Forever Broken
by FemaleRobbery
Summary: Ste and Brendan's journey from their present life to the next life. Will they end up together in the future? Note: Updated the first 3 chapters so there's not as much dates.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hi again *waves* so I had another idea for a fic. This is only my 2nd fic and my writing is not even close to some of the amazing fic writers out there. But here goes. Forgive me if my dates are wrong. Please let me know if y'all like it. Thanks! :)**

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[Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.] - Corinthians 13:4-8

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**December 21, 2096**

"I was lost and alone. No sense of purpose or being. No comprehension of family, love, friendship or honor. And then I met you. Where there has been cold, you have brought warmth. Where my life was very dark, you have brought light. You invited me into your world and asked for nothing in return. So what can I say to you that I haven't already said. What can I give you that I haven't already given. Is there anything of me that isn't yours already. My body, my mind, my heart, even my soul, everything that is me belonged to you long before this, and it shall be yours long after this. I will go wherever you will go. Hand in hand and heart in heart. Whatever may lay ahead, good or bad, we will face together. Distance may test us for a time, and time may try us, but I will always be here by your side. I will always listen and be truthful. Today I take my place as your husband." Steven recited to his love of his life.

With the vows read, from both the grooms, and the I do's said, there was only one thing left to say.

"I now pronounce you partners for life. Steven you may kiss your groom."

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**March 21, 2013**

"Steven let go!"

"No no no, I love you! I love you bre..."

"You changed everything Steven, everything!"

"Brendan! Bren..."

That's when his life changed forever. All they had worked for, all the fights, the arguments, the violence, the smiles, the laughs, the kisses, the love, all gone in a matter of seconds. Their he stayed on the floor unable to get to his feet. His heart just cracked into millions of pieces, never to be mended again. Guards went past and looked at him with pity and sadness. There was nothing he could do. His happily ever after was just taken from him, just like that. His soulmate, gone. And in that moment he knew that he would never find happiness again. He was irrevocably broken, forever.

Months went by as he tried to pick himself up, knowing full well he never would. He got through his days by working all hours. Never took days off, never went out with friends. Friends, they weren't in his life. His time was consumed with work. People were concerned but how do you tell a man it'll be ok when they know that man is dead inside. A soul less body just walking around trying to get by, till the inevitable happens. Sadly, thats the only thing he looks forward to. To wake up one day and know that it's all over. To open his eyes and not have to look up and see the moldy ceiling. To not have to walk around an empty flat. To not have to feel anything. So he waits for that day.

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**October 13, 2013**

_Steven, please stop. I can't do this. I sit here and read all your letters every minute of every day and it stabs at my heart. Please know I never meant to hurt you. I tried, believe me I tried to be a better person for you. I failed. I had to save her, he destroyed my life and I couldn't let him destroy hers. If there was any other way I would have done it. I would do anything in the world for you. But I can't keep hurting you anymore. I need you to move on, for you and for me. Live your life, find love, be happy. Forget me. I didn't deserve you then and I don't deserve you now. This is the last time you will hear from me. I'm sorry for everything. I give my heart to you, keep it safe until we meet again. In the next life Steven. Goodbye._

_Brendan Brady_

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_This is my final letter to you. You won't have to worry about hearing from me again. I told you last year that I would never give up on you, and I haven't. You given up on you, you given up on us. I wish you loved me as much as I loved you. I would do anything to be able to go back in time to have been able to save you. But you couldn't be saved, could you? You were doomed from the start right? You were always destined to be alone? No you weren't. You gave up and didn't let me in. You pushed me away. I could have been strong for the both of us. This is my goodbye to you. I can't give you my heart now because you have held it since we met. I hope you keep it and know that despite everything we been through, you were loved. And you always will be, by me. Goodbye Brendan._

_Steven Hay_

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**December 21, 2096**

The electricity in the reception area was buzzing. People were shouting and laughing. The music was turned up to full volume. Every one was looking at the doors waiting for the main guests to make their way in, to start their new lives together. The DJ grabbed the mic when he got his cue.

"Ok ladies and gentlemen, get your hands together and stand up. It is my pleasure to welcome for the first time as husband and husband, Steven Hay and Wes Jaxzon!"

The new married couple made their way into the reception area as every one screamed and shouted. Today was the start of a new life for Steven Hay. He smiled and greeted everyone as they headed down the room onto the dance floor. All the while Ste was screaming through his eyes for anyone, anyone to be able to hear his silent screams; _Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh I am falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the person I am...isn't me._

No one heard him.

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**So yay or nay? I got some ideas on where to go from here and a couple of twists to put in. But let me know if y'all liked it or not. Thanks for reading :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hi. Thunderstorm happening over here so all my lights went out! Not much you can do with no electricity so I'm writing another chapter on my phone. I wanted to add that Ste is not 70 years old in 2066 lol, he has already died in the previous life. It's him in the next life. But I did change the dates now on the advice from a lovely reviewer. Hope you enjoy :)**

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["Holding the knife with the blade against my palm, it became so clear how my life would only contain shadows now. Shadows of things gone; not just the people themselves but everything connected to them. Was this my future? Every moment, every tiny thing I saw and did and touched, weighted by loss. Every space in this house and my town and the world in general, empty in a way that could never be filled." ― Jennifer Castle, The Beginning of After]

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**February 14, 2095**

How he managed to find himself in the valentines day card section, Steven will never know. He rummages through the generic cheesy ones and smiles to himself. Love sick teenagers would love these. One card in particular catches his eyes:

_"To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect."_

Hmm that's an interesting card he says to himself as he places the card back and turns around bumping straight into a tall man behind him.

"Oh sorry mate didn't see ya there. You were standing close there too. You should watch that, some people actually like their personal space." Steven told the man as he gave him a apologetic smile and made sure he didn't knock any of the things he was carrying. Nope no butterfingers here.

"It's no bother. Was my fault really, wasn't watching where I was going. Getting something for the missus?" Asked the tall man with jet black hair.

Ste got a a strange feeling. Something was bugging him about this man. He knew he never met him before but it was like something was pulling him towards him. A magnetic force. A chill went down his spine. It felt like time had stopped.

"Erm no actually. Don't really believe in Valentines day. Just people trying to get extra money innt." It was all riddled with sadness and for some reason his mind flashes with a picture of an old dingy flat and just as fast as it came it disappeared. Steven didn't live in a flat and he sure doesn't remember ever going to a flat that looked like that.

"Guess so. But it helps somedays to know that someone still loves you."

"Maybe. But love, it ruins you. Anyway I'm running late. Sorry again for crashing into you. Have a good day mate."

The mysterious man gave him a small smile, but there was no happiness behind it. Steven smiled and walked away, never looking back.

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**July 2, 2095**

Everything was going well. Stevens business was bringing in enough cash to support himself and still have a lot of money left over to do with what he wished. A couple years ago he opened up a small bar in the town. It took awhile to get it going and for people to start coming around to it, but eventually it was the talk of the town. The staff were great and bubbly. And the drinks, well those were the best part. He got the money from a silent partner to open it, he always wondered who it was but was assured that partner only wanted their investment returned. He never spoke to the investor and it was better that way. One day as Steven was opening up by himself the door swung open.

"Hello mate, my names Wes Jaxzon. Was wondering if there was any job openings available?"

"Umm we might have some part-time work available. Take a seat let me just finish opening up the place and I'll be with ya in a second."

"Need some help?"

Steven smiled.

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**November 11, 2033**

Padraig stood up and walked over to the side of the pier. Breathe in. He stared across the calm blue sea. Breathe out. He stared towards the clear blue sky and began his speech.

"If I only had five minutes the day you passed away, I would have had time to tell you all the things I needed to say. I never got to tell you how much you mean to me. The last time that I talked to you I wish I would have known. I would have said I love you, and kept you on the phone. If I only had five minutes, I'd give you one last hug so tight. I'd tell you that I don't think I could live without you, not even for awhile. I'd kiss your cheek and take your hand and tell you it's okay to go. And tell you that I'll miss you, more than you'll ever know. Before you even knew it, you were standing at heavens gate. Now God has called upon you, it's time to get your wings. To leave this life behind you, and enjoy all of heavens beautiful things. So wait for me in heaven Dad, don't let me come alone. The day the angels come for me, please be there to bring me home."

He was gone. Gone but free.

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**Depressing? Maybe. A lot of dates? Definitely. Let me know what y'all think. Thanks.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hi hi :) I'm just updating away today huh. I had to literally write out all the dates I used cuz I couldn't remember them, so good on you if you got them all. If I do mess up the dates I'm really sorry, let me know and I'll change it. Thanks.**

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["This was what love meant after all: sacrifice and selflessness. It did not mean hearts and flowers and a happy ending, but the knowledge that another's well-being is more important than one's own." ― Melissa de la Cruz, Lost in Time]

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**March 21, 2013**

As the guards walk you down the prison hall all you can think about is Steven screaming your name as they dragged him away from you. You tried acting cold so that Steven would be able to move on but just looking into his eyes he was dying inside and when Steven said he would never think any differently about you, you broke. You promised him the same thing and shouted to him that he changed everything. And he did. Steven gave you a reason to go on. He made you experience true love. And he made you happy, something you thought you never would be. But now it's all over. Your new home is inside this cell. Four grey walls. A bed with sheets as the mattress. A metal toilet and sink. And a tiny window that if you stare out of all you see is a life that you will never have anymore. So all you do is sit down and wait. Wait for what exactly? You don't really know. But you have all your life now to sit here and wait, and in the back of your mind you realize you do know what you're waiting for. That man dressed in all black to come knocking for you. Like you said not everyone has a happy ending.

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**August 1, 2095**

It had been just about a month since you hired your new staff member, Wes. He was a hard worker, always on time, reliable, funny, and caring. All the staff and customers loved him. You made idle chit chat here and there. Talked about your life and how you got to where you are today. Wes grew up with a rough childhood he told you. He was abandoned as a kid and was placed in a group home for years until he was adopted into a foster home. He ended up leaving at the age of 17 when he couldn't take being there anymore. Since then he moved from place to place just getting through the day. He said he wanted to settle here and that's why he was looking for jobs. You liked him. He always made you smile and laugh. And when you had your random grumpy days he would be there to cheer you up. One day he asked if you wanted to have dinner and for some reason you felt a sharp pain in your hurt, it wasn't physical pain though. Your mind wandered off for a second as images of a random time popped into your mind. You kept seeing this giant gray building with some words in pink letters, they were too blurry to make out. It's like you were there though because you saw yourself walking towards it. Slowly going up the stairs and reaching a door. You reached for it and you were just about to open it when...

"Umm Ste you ok? You kind of blanked out there. I didn't mean to come on to strong, I'm sorry if I did, I really am."

You snap out of it and gave Wes a smile. "Sorry you know me always thinking away. And no you didn't do anything wrong. Dinner sounds great."

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**November 11, 2033**

As Padraig finishes he whispers goodbye one more time and goes back to sit down. Declan stands up and goes to the end of the pier. He looks ahead and wipes his face where one single tear had fallen.

"I love you dad. I had so much to say and now I don't get a chance, because you have been taken away. I hurt so badly and this is true, is this all because of you. I want you back to stop the pain; I just want my dad again. I didn't know much about you, right from the very start, and now I hold all these thoughts right here in my heart. I think of you every day, wishing you didn't pass away. I always shed a mountain of tears; I've been waiting for you for years. You didn't even know my favorite thing, you didn't know my heart was so blue, did you ever love me too. The day you called me to say "hello" I knew you didn't have that long to go. I wanted to be with you there and then, not just as a son but also a friend. I don't blame you dad for the paths we all take but before you know it, it could be too late. So now all I can say is I love you dad and goodbye."

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**I deserve a pat on the back for that as I had to go rewatch Stendans last episode to see what Ste said about never thinking differently about him so that I could include it. And I still think I didn't get it right but I refuse to watch it again. Anyway hope you liked it. Review please :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sorry about taking a little longer to update, I find this one hard to write. I'm trying to not add so many dates because even I'm confused lol. Review please =)**

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["All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair."― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven]

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**November 11, 2033**

The skies turn dark as small droplets of rain start falling upon them. Declan walks back next to Padraig and looks toward his aunt who is shaking now.

"Chez you don't have to do this if you don't want to?" Declan speaks low to her with watered eyes. She looks towards him and raises her head up high.

"No I failed him as a sister and I have to say goodbye to him." Cheryl steps around them and walks over to the end of the pier as rain slowly starts running down her face.

"Hey Bren I know you're there. I love you. I wrote you something."

She collects herself and opens up a sheet a paper she was carrying. Now it's getting soaked up from the rain and her tears but she clears her throat and begins.

"May your spirit soar in freedom, from the fears that gripped so tight. May you find the peace you searched for, as you wandered, lost, in the night. May your tortured mind be clear and calm, and your tender heart be warm. May you have no need for strength now. May there ne'er be another storm. May the music of the angels be the sweet sounds that you hear. May you ne'er shed another tear. I'll wear your memory proudly. My only brother...my true friend. May my love for you reach Heaven above. Until we meet again."

Cheryl rubbed her eyes and tried to stop herself from crying. She looked at the sea ahead of her and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for not being the sister you deserved. I'm sorry for not protecting you. I'm sorry for giving up on you. I'm sorry for being selfish. But I'm sorry for ruining your life. It should have been me. You deserved to live on, not me. If I could trade places with you, I would in a heartbeat. I love you so much and I know you are in a better place. I want to say goodbye and thank you. Thank you for being the most amazing brother. I promise you I will watch over him. I will see you again. Wait for me. Goodbye Bren." Cheryl threw a flower into the sea and walked back over to her place. Declan grabbed her hand and held it with everything he had. There was only one person left to say their goodbyes. That man slowly walked around them and made his way to the edge of the pier. Cheryl watched him as he passed and didn't recognize him anymore. He was a shell of his old self. She noticed his eyes were dead but deep down she could see sadness. That's when she noticed one single tear roll down his cheek. Her heart broke for the last time.

Ste reached the edge and lowered himself to sit down on the ledge. He swung his legs back and forth like a child. His head went back as he felt the rain drops hit his face. The rain mixed in with his tears. He looked down towards the rocks and back ahead towards the water. Ste closed his eyes and went back in time to that place where Brendan was sat beside him. That time when they found each other again.

"Hiya it's me. Ste. Steven. I know you always hated Ste. You were well weird like that. Can't believe we are here huh. I don't know how I made it to be honest. Took me awhile but I wrote something. I haven't written anything to you since my last letter 20 years ago. At least I know this time you will actually hear this one, but you'll never return it. Brendan I love you with every fiber in my being. I never stopped. To this day you were still the only one for me. You were always my partner, till the end. I miss you."

"I sit alone now in the darkness of despair. I cry my silent tears. My heart is broken into a million tiny pieces. The silence is deafening to my ears. The darkness frightens me, the shadows climb the wall. I hear footsteps walking, passing through the hall. The loneliness surrounds me, it takes my breath away, this is the pattern of my life, since that awful, dreadful day. Without a clue, without a hint of what was yet to be. God called you home to be with him, and took you away from me. I walk, I talk. I carry on when the sun pokes out its head. But when darkness falls and evening comes, I cannot go to bed. For this is when I miss you most of all, when I curl into a little ball, and cry those silent tears. Watching the shadows, and missing you."

Ste finishes and opens his eyes. His vision is blurry as his tears had clouded his sight. He doesn't hear anything but the rain drops hitting the cement besides him. He snaps out of it when Cheryl hands him the urn. Declan and Padraig join them both and Eileen stands behind her sons holding their shoulders. They all touch the urn one more time. Ste and Cheryl hold it together and then release him into the sea. They all look ahead and just listen to the water crashing against the pier. After some time Declan, Padraig, and Eileen say their goodbyes one more time and leave. Cheryl and Ste stay for a while longer.

"You ok?" Cheryl asks and then regrets asking something so idiotic. Ste doesn't look over at her and rises from where he was seated.

"Cheryl the only reason I'm here in the same place with you is for him." He points out towards the sky. "We are nothing. We are not family. We are not friends. We are not even acquaintances. You're nothing to me. You been dead to me since you let him take the last hit for you. He did everything for you, everything. Didn't even care to think about what would happen to him. He threw away his life, his happiness, his one chance to be in love; for you. I'm sure he forgives you because he could never think wrong of you. But as for me, I will never forgive you. You have destroyed me. I'm dead inside but I fake being happy for everyone. My kids grew up not even knowing what their real father was like. All they got was this, this soulless person in front of you. I don't ever want to see you in my life again." Ste starts walking away and suddenly stops and stares at the clouds. "And as for you Brendan, you be happy. You're free. No more pain. Know that your sister got her happy ending. You did the right thing. I will always love you for sacrificing your entire being to save her. He didn't win, you did. Please wait for me. I promise I won't be long. I'll see you in the next life."

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**August 1, 2095**

Ste was excited throughout his shift. He had just been asked out by his employee. He thought it was a little weird at first because he didn't want it to be awkward around work. But Wes assured him it was just dinner and if things didn't work out there was no hard feelings. Nothing to worry about then.

"Ok guys I'm heading off. Got to pop in to some shops and order a couple things for the bar. Make sure one of you clean the stockroom please. I have asked for over a week. I might come back later on and see if it's been done. Yeah? See ya later." Ste puts on his jacket and heads out of his bar.

The door opens again and Wes sticks his head out real quick. "We still on for tonight right?"

"Of course. Thought maybe around 8 if that's fine."

"Sounds good I get out at 5 so gives me plenty of time to get ready. Meeting back here and then restaurant ok?"

"Yep I'll see you then. Now scram, get back to work."

"Yes boss." They both smile at each other as Wes waves and goes back inside. Ste heads over to a supply store to order a couple things for the bar. He takes his time and walks out with a couple swatches of wallpaper. He's been trying to redecorate the bar but has no clue what would look good on the walls. His intention is to go home and actually sit down and look over these swatches and finally make a decision. As he walks out of the shop he's looking down and ends up bumping straight into someone. That particular someone was carrying a drink in his hand and now that said drink is all over both of them. Ste speaks first stuttering all over his words.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry. So so so sorry. I wasn't looking. Fuck that looks like an expensive shirt. Oh fuck." He finally looks up at the face and remembers he's seen him before. At the card section and the man was standing behind him and he bumped into him.

"Well looks like this time you bumped into me." Said the mysterious man with a distinct mustache.

"My fault this time. Look I'm so sorry. I'll give you some money for a new shirt or dry cleaning. And free drink on me as well."

"No bother mate. I'll just throw this in the wash. Sorry about your swatches though."

That's when Ste notices that the drink spilled all over his swatches completely disorienting the colors. Mixing them all together. He would never pick one out this way.

"It's ok I'll go back in there and get another one. Just gonna have to pay for it this time. They only give you one free the first time. I guess they don't expect you to walk out the door and crash into someone spilling their drink everywhere." Ste looks at the man and just sees him staring at him. Something in the pit of his stomach tells him something is strange here. He can't put his finger on it though.

"If you want I can go in there and ask for one. You just gotta pretend you don't know me."

"I don't know you."

"Hmm maybe. Anyway come on."

"What?"

"Come on. Inside. Try to do something nice for someone and don't even get a thanks."

"You don't have to." It's hopeless though before he can even say anything else the man is already walking in the door and motions with his head to follow.

"The nerve of this guy." Ste mumbles to himself but quickly follows as a vision comes into his mind again. This time it's him in a place with blue walls. He can see the name of this place. Carter and Hay. It's a deli he makes out. He sees himself by the oven cooking something. He can't make out what. Then behind him is a loud noise of someone beating the dough. He turns around to see a tall man wearing a black shirt punching the dough. He walks over to him saying something about kneading the dough not starting g a fight with it. He tries desperately to see who the man is but it's all to blurry for him and he can't see the face. There's some weird white light going through him making it impossible to see the features of this man. It's almost blinding. Then the man speaks. "I am kneading it. I don't tell you how to decorate your tarts. Let me do me thing." Irish. Definitely Irish. Snapping of fingers in front of him pulls him back into reality.

"You're a strange wee fella aren't you. You were standing there all zombie like. Come on already. I do have other things to do today." The man starts down the shop with his hands in his pockets. Ste huffs and thinks this man is a weirdo but he finds him to be...familiar. So he runs after him.

"Wait up...what did you say your name was again?"

"I didn't."

"Well?"

"You'll figure it out."

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**January 1, 2014**

Another year passes. Now he starts all over again. He spent the New Years with Amy, Leah, and Lucas. And for a brief moment he was happy. He really was. Until Amy brought up Brendan. She didn't say anything bad really but Ste couldn't deal with hearing the name again. He had made himself a pact he would try to not say his name again. It made it easier. And it worked, until someone came up to him and gave him a pitiful smile and asked "have you heard from Brendan." Inconsiderate people he thought. They should mind their business. They didn't care before about Brendan, then they shouldn't give a shit about him now. He was to a point where he was angry now. So when Amy mentioned _him_ Ste stormed out of the house and ended up outside for hours. He refused to come in and when it was reaching midnight Amy came outside and told him the kids were in bed. She wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm sorry Ste. You'll be ok you know. He still loves you. He just wanted the best for you."

"I know. But he should have known the best for me was him." Amy held him tighter.

"You'll be ok. Happy New Years."

"I hope so. Happy New Years to you to." Amy got up and walked back into the house as she saw Ste look down and heard him whisper "_Happy New Years Bren_" into the air.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. For the guest reviewer I wanna say thank youu sooo much! Means a lot to me.**

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["Every time I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise. No one compares to you. I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side. Every time I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise. No one compares to you. But there's no you, except in my dreams tonight"-Lana Del Ray, Dark Paradise]

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**January 1, 2014**

Brendan lies in his cell staring at the grey ceiling above him. He's been here for almost a year now and it's not getting better. Every night he replays the same image over and over again. He sees his dads' eyes piercing him. He sees him approaching him. He sees Seamus coming for him. And then he hears it. _**Bang**_. Every night it's the same. He wakes up at the exact same moment drenched with sweat. He can't sleep. He can't think. He can't breathe. His mind is gone. People have stayed away from him not because they fear him but because they ultimately think he is crazy. The warden summons Brendan into his office and ask him how he is feeling. All he gets in return is a manic laugh. The warden stares at him and tells him he is going to be transferred to the psych ward for observation. Brendan loses it and starts destroying everything he can get his hands on. The table gets flipped over. The glass vases go flying across the room shattering the glass windows. Guards rush in and try talking to Brendan. They tell him to calm down and relax. He laughs and grabs the warden. Brendan stares at them and quietly speaks.

"Move any closer and he goes out the window."

"Let him go. Don't make us have to use our guns." The guards start pulling out their weapons.

With one last smile Brendan answers back with "Go on. I insist."

**Bang. Bang. Bang.**

Darkness.

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**August 1, 2095**

"So are you going to tell me your name now? Or am I just going to have to resort to calling you mustache."

Ste was following the dark haired man around the supplies shop. He was supposed to just be going to get a replacement swatch book for Ste that ended up getting ruined but somehow they ended up on the opposite side of the store.

"I told you figure it out."

"That's impossible innt? How many names are out in the world and you expect me to randomly guess your name. And I told you my name so come on."

"Yes you did Steven but-"

"It's Ste! For fucks sake."

"Excuse me." The tall man clears his throat and starts over again. "Yes you did Ste but I'm sure if you think hard enough you'll come up with it."

"You're a weirdo." Ste finally gets with the same pace as him and now walks next to him. No one says anything after that. The man makes a sudden right turn and starts walking down the aisle. Ste looks around and decides to cut him off the other way. He runs to get to the end and sharply turns ready to surprise but he's not there. Ste doesn't see him anywhere. He feels disappointed and he doesn't know why.

"BOO!" The strange man comes flying from behind him and Ste ends up crashing into a shelf and falling to the floor. Ste looks up but he realizes he's not at the store anymore he's in some dark dingy flat. He looks down and he has a milk cartoon in his hand. It's clearly gone bad so his feet start to move on their own to the door. When he opens it his heart stops. "BOO." Ste doesn't know why but he feels completely terrified by seeing him. He's having trouble hearing what the strange man is saying to him but his own mouth opens and says he was worried.

"Steven. Steven. Stop staring at me."

"Huh? What?"

Ste blinks again and realizes he is back in the shop with mustache man in front of him.

"You're really weird Steven. You were staring at me for a long time. I couldn't get you to snap out of your trance." He reaches down to help Ste up but Ste flinches for no reason. Ste gets himself up and dust himself off.

"I'm weird? You're the one that acted like a child and scared me."

"You were planning to scare me first."

"Yeah well still. Can you just go get me my swatches?"

He shrugs his shoulders and walks over to the register. They finish and the man hands Ste his new swatch book.

"Thanks for this. I got to get going."

"No bother. Guess I'll see you around then?"

"Yeah. Yeah you will."

They both don't move for a while until the man's phone goes off and he moves to grab it.

"See ya Steven."

"It's Ste!"

The man just waves him off and walks in the opposite direction. Ste suddenly feels out of place but he shrugs it off. He starts walking away and then looks down at the swatch book. There on the inside cover is a sticker that the staff put on it. Ste runs his finger over it and mouths the name to himself.

"Brendan Brady."

* * *

**April 29, 2013**

Ste stares up at the pink lettering. Chez Chez. So many good times and so many bad times. This place holds memories that Ste will never forget. The time when he first locked eyes on Brendan, and then was told his food looked rubbish. They had their first proper kiss here, in the cellar. He still remembers how it felt and how in that moment he knew his life would change forever. Ste moves around the club and runs his hand over the bar. The same bar where Brendan passed him his special cocktail called _"I'm sorry Steven."_ He walks to the office and hesitates before opening it. He slowly walks in and a wave of every emotion crashes into him. Ste shuts the door and collapses to the floor. Breath in. Breathe out. He crawls to the balcony door and lays his head against it. He shuts his eyes and tries to collect himself. This is his home. But this is also the place where his life was taken away from him. It's where he saw his soul mate stand before everyone and relinquish his sins.

_"The son shall not suffer from the iniquity of the father, and the father suffer from the iniquity of the son."_

Ste feels sharp pains on his hands and looks down to see his own blood running down his hands. He blacked out and punched the door repeatedly till he felt no more pain. His knuckles are raw and red. He picks himself up and walks out to the balcony. Ste places his bloody hands on the railing and lets the blood flow. Ste closes his eyes and hears the line that he holds close to his heart.

_"In the next life Steven."_

**Bang.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Hiiii so I tried to make this fic less confusing but every chapter will have a new date. I can't figure out a way to avoid that, I'm really sorry =( The exact dates aren't so important tho as long as you get the month and year =)**

**PS. To the guest reviews that I can't PM I want to say thank you all soooo much! You don't understand how much it means to me =)**

* * *

["I couldn't be with people and I didn't want to be alone. Suddenly my perspective whooshed and I was far out in space, watching the world. I could see millions and millions of people, all slotted into their lives; then I could see me—I'd lost my place in the universe. It had closed up and there was nowhere for me to be. I was more lost than I had known it was possible for any human being to be."― Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There?]

* * *

**May 5, 2013**

Drugs. Ste doesn't know how he has gotten so deep into this. He himself isn't taking drugs, not yet at least, but he's selling them. A couple bags of pills to idiotic students who so desperately need them. Addicts. Ste laughs to himself as he realizes he's an addict himself. Only difference is drugs aren't his addiction.

One thing people should learn is to not doubt Brendan's impact in Stes life. Not to mention how many little quirks Ste picked up from him. One main thing he took from Brendan was to not trust anyone except themselves. No one stuck by Ste when he needed someone. Everyone thought he was an idiot for not moving on. There has only been one person who believed in him. Always.

_"The reason I'm standing here today is because of one person. This person gave me a chance when I had nothing. He made me feel safe when I had nobody. He also taught me how to love. He changed my life forever. He means everything to me."_

He remembers that time. He thought he had lost Brendan forever. He thought he was going to have to live his life knowing he settled for something less. He wasn't expecting to be on a plane to Dublin a few days later finally being together with the love of his life. Ste was happy. Truly truly happy. And now a couple months later here he stands in an alleyway selling drugs. He told Brendan to stop with his dodgy dealings throughout their on and off relationship, and now he's doing the same thing. A tear escapes him and he lets it flow down his cheek. Ste hears footsteps coming so he wipes his face and stands up straight. He needs to do this. It's not even a question in his mind anymore. The club will be his.

"What ya need mate?"

* * *

**August 1, 2095**

"Wes you ready? Ste shouts as he enters the bar. He looks around and it is fairly packed but he doesn't spot him. He smiles over to his staff and makes his way to the staff room. Wes is sitting down on his phone when he looks up.

"There you are. Been waiting."

"Sorry got a little distracted while I ran some errands. But I'm here now."

"Let's head on out then."

Wes stands up and puts his palm on Stes back leading him out of the bar. They walk a short distance and finally reach a small little restaurant. It's quaint and very melancholy. Ste senses a familiarity about it. He brushes it aside though. The waiter comes by and gives them their menus and says to call him over when they are ready to order.

"So what you getting Ste?"

"Hmm don't know. Everything looks good. Might get the fish actually."

"Like you're reading my mind I was gonna get that too"

Ste smiles and motions for the waiter to take their order. Wes gives his first and then Ste goes after. As soon as he finishes giving his order he stops the waiter before be goes.

"Actually sorry can I get the steak instead please? Medium rare. Thanks."

"Not a problem sir. Your food will be out shortly."

Ste takes a sip of his wine and looks around. He notices that this place looks so similar but he's never been here before.

"You're spontaneous aren't you Ste?"

"Huh? What? No not really why."

"You just change your mind like that. Fish to steak in a second."

"Oh that. Well the fish is gonna be flaky."

"You had it before?"

"Umm no actually."

"So how do you know."

"Just a feeling." A strange one at that, he doesn't know why he thinks that. He also doesn't know why he thinks he has had this conversation before. Wes starts talking about something and Ste nods not really paying attention. He closes his eyes and re opens them to see a dark silhouette at the far corner of the restaurant. There is no face to it just a figure. It is a man's figure and it appears to be crossing his arms and facing his direction. Suddenly it moves very slowly over to his table and a sudden coldness surrounds him. Ste looks carefully at Wes again to see if he has noticed anything. But Wes looks relaxed and so does every other person in the restaurant. No one else is seeing what he is. The figure hovers around him not doing anything. Ste pretends to stretch his arms so that his hand could touch this form but it just goes through him. Now he starts freaking out. He excuses himself from the table and avoids making contact with the figure. He goes into the restroom and splashes some water on his face.

"God Ste you're losing it. Been working too hard." Ste laughs to himself and looks up at the mirror. His face goes a ghostly white and his whole body freezes as he looks upon a pair of eyes that don't belong to him.

* * *

**January 1, 2014**

Tick tock is all Brendan hears. He woke up to find himself strapped to a leather couch in an office. Complete silence except for the grandfather clock that keeps making its noises as the pendulum swings. Back and forth. Back and forth. He's been staring at this woman seated a couple feet away from him with a notebook in her hand. He notices there are two guards in the room with weapons drawn.

"I think we will be fine. You can go now." She speaks to the guards and they hesitate at first but say they are right outside if anything should happen. The woman thanks them and waits for the door to close to speak.

"Hello Brendan. My names Dr. Harper. I'm a psychologist here. You can just call me Leecy tho."

"What kind of name is Leccy?" Brendan stares at her and can't help but think that she looks like Lynsey. His mind is clearly gone and he rubs at his eyes to get the image out of his head.

"Don't know but it's my name. Anyway the warden was a little worried about you so he recommended you get transferred to the psych ward for a bit while we evaluate you."

"I feel weird." And that's the truth. He feels strange. Dizzy. Weak. Disoriented.

"Yeah sorry after you threatened to throw the warden out the window the guards had to sedate you. So you probably are still feeling the effects of that."

Brendan finally remembers what happened and he can't help but smile. He gives out a small laugh and rests his head back.

"Do you mind if I ask you some questions? Just a couple and then we will get you settled into your new cell."

Brendan doesn't respond so she takes it as her cue to just continue.

"How are you feeling right now?"

"That's a stupid question. I told you I feel weird."

"Right but I mean emotionally how do you feel. Depressed? Angry?"

"I'm the happiest man on the world right now."

Leccy writes a couple things down on her notebook and leans back and doesn't say anything just taps her pen on the notebook.

"Can you stop that? It's annoying." Brendan hates the constant tap tap tap noises. She puts the pen down and looks at her nails instead.

"Hmm I'm thinking of doing my nails another color you know kind of make me stand out. I always have them painted red."

Brendan knows what she is doing. She's trying to make conversation so he can relax and start spilling his feelings out. Well if she wants a piece of what he is feeling that's exactly what she will get.

"You asked how I was feeling right?" She doesn't look up but nods yes. "I'm not angry. I'm not depressed. I don't know what I am. It's like I'm here but I'm not." He stops and she gives him a look which says to continue. "It's as if someone is just constantly pulling a piece of my heart out bit by bit till I have nothing left. I'm not me anymore. The man I was. The man I tried so desperately to be isn't me anymore. I want to be him again, painfully so. But it's like with every passing day I just keep falling more and more into this black hole. I try and try to pull myself out but it's hopeless. No one is there to grab me. I'm just extending my hand helplessly at the air hoping someone will pull me up. I just...I need him. So much. I wake up and wish it was all a dream. And then there are other days when I wake up and wish I hadn't." He takes a deep breath and continues. "Am I suicidal? No. And the only reason is because honestly I'm already dead. I feel dead." Brendan gives a halfhearted laugh that has no emotion to it. That's when he is taken back when Leccy leans forward and actually looks at him. Really really looks at him.

"You know when you said you're reaching a hand out and no one's there?" Brendan mutters a quiet yes. Leccy then opens her hand and extends her arm towards Brendan, palm facing up. "Well I'm here to grab your hand Brendan. I'm here reaching my hand out to you. I'm here to pull you out. Now it's just a question of whether or not you can pull yourself up enough to reach me."

* * *

**I apologize for the beginning, I wrote that part about 10 times and got so sick of it that I just left it. Anyway hope it was decent at least. Review please :)**


	7. Chapter 7

["Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?" ― Mary Manin Morrissey]

* * *

**February 1, 2014**

It's been a month since Brendan was placed in the psych ward in prison. It's also been a month since he has been receiving weekly visits from Leecy, the psychologist. Whenever she comes into his cell for her evaluations he gets restrained onto a chair. There is an indication outside his cell that lists him as a violent inmate. He laughs at that every time he sees it. Today though Leecy has asked the guards to bring him to her office instead. When he arrives she motions to the chair but stops them before they restrain him to the chair. She tells them it'll be fine and when their session is over she will call them back in.

_"So how are you feeling today Brendan?"_ She rolls her chair to the front of the desk so that nothing is blocking them.

_"Fine."_

_"Did you do your morning exercises?"_

_"Forgot."_

_"Course you did."_ She wanted him to take 10 minutes every morning to write out his thoughts. It didn't matter if they didn't make sense or if they were even legible. She just wanted to get them out of him. After the first initial reading when Brendan actually opened up and told her how he was doing she thought it would only get better from there. She was wrong. It got worst as he completely shut down after that day. Every session involved him giving one word answers and not even being present. She gets up and grabs a notebook and a pen.

_"You're just going to do it now then."_

_"No."_

_"There's no room for discussion. I don't care what you write as long as you write something."_ She tries handing it to him but he doesn't move so she places it next to him. _"You're not getting out of here till you write something Brendan."_

He looks at her and gives her an evil smile. He opens the notebook up and stares straight ahead as if he's thinking. She sees him start to write so she goes back to her desk to give him some space. After about 30 minutes he stops and closes the notebook.

_"Done then."_

_"Yep."_

He hands it to her and she moves to sit in front of him as she glances at what he wrote. It's hard to read as Brendan's handwriting looks microscopic and he wrote in cursive as well.

_"I'm gonna read it out loud ok so you can hear it played back to you."_

_"I wrote it. I think I know what I said."_

_"Yes but I want you to hear it."_

_"I don't want to hear it."_

_"Why not?"_

He doesn't say anything so she looks at the letter and starts reading.

_"Dear Steven, I don't know what to say to you that will make this better. I read the last letter you sent me and it doesn't sound like you're doing too good. Neither am I. I wish I could help you but I can't, not in here. I try to imagine you having a perfect life now. That's all I wanted for you. Doesn't seem that way does it? I'm writing this because I need to tell you that I have to let go. Not let go of you, but let go of myself. This isn't me and I can't stand waking up every morning and have to see this stranger in the mirror. You won't hear from me again because the Brendan you knew is gone. I'll say it one last time Steven I always wanted the best for you. I can't live my life without you. There is nothing that you could do that will make me stop loving you. And I do love you, very much. Till we meet again, in the next life Steven. Bren x_

She looks at him and sees him just staring ahead. No emotion, nothing. _"Do you want to mail this then?"_

_"No."_

_"Ok then." _She folds it and hands it back to him. _"I think we're done for today."_

The guards escort him back to his cell and close the doors behind him. He takes out the letter from his pocket and reaches underneath for a box. He opens it and places yet another letter that won't be sent in there. He pushes it back into its spot and climbs into bed. He closes his eyes and smiles as he finally lets go of the last part of Brendan he was holding onto, his heart.

* * *

**August 1, 2095**

Ste can't pry his eyes away. He stares directly at this figures eyes. Neither one of them dare move. When Ste blinks the figure is gone. He looks around but sees nothing. As he leans against the sink again he feels a sudden rush of coldness. He looks up to see the figure there again just staring at him. The only thing he makes out is the blue eyes piercing through him. He blinks again but it's still there. It starts approaching him and Ste backs up but hits the wall behind him. In one movement the figure charges straight at him and disintegrates as it hits him. Ste feels a rush of emotions hit him all at once and he suddenly can't breathe. He's panicking so he collapses onto the floor and tries to calm down. He closes his eyes only to open them up and be completely in a different location.

He looks around and he assumes he is at this deli again that he had a previous vision of. Only this time the lights are all turned off and he's sitting on the sofa. He's covering his head with a hoodie and he can't help but feel scared and broken. That's when he hears knocking on the door. He looks over and wants to get up but something won't let him. He's stuck. Unable to move. Then he hears a very familiar Irish accent.

"_Steven. Steven. You in there? Can't lose ye, not now. Come on Steven! I know you're in there ye gotta be, just open up please. Please. He did this to me. You know he messed with my head so much that I don't know…I don't know how to…I mean…I did once, I think. I mean I to be normal when I was a kid, the world was beautiful, then he took that away. He took everything away and changed everything just..just. The things…the things I love…I break em. I killed that…I killed that love inside of me and I can't get it back…I can't…I can't get it back without ye. You made me…you made me understand, you made me believe the world could be…could be good again. I can't do this without ye."_

There's a final knock on the door and then it goes quiet. He blinks away his tears and then his feet start to move on their own. Ste doesn't know what's happening as he opens the door and looks to the left to see this man walking away. He calls to him.

_"I can't trust ye. I can't…I can't love ye when you're like this."_

The man nods as if he understands and Ste can see the tears his holding back. He can see that the man's world is falling apart but he still tries to keep it together.

_"Let me keep you safe."_

Ste opens his eyes and he's on the floor of the restroom again. He lifts himself up and brushes off the dust on his jeans. As he's walking out he hears a voice.

_"Steven..."_

He looks back and sees nothing but then it hits him. The man in the vision he just had. He's seen him before. Everything then clicks in his head. Those other visions he has gotten have all been the same person, every time. It's always been him.

**Brendan Brady**

* * *

**December 21, 2096**

_"Congrats Ste!"_

_"Thanks Amy. I gotta make a phone call. Tell Wes that I'll be right back ok."_

Ste rushes out of the reception area and into the hallway. He can't remember which exit he told him he would meet him at. The farthest one would most likely be the smartest choice. He keeps walking and finally makes it to the exit. He opens it up and walks out to the freezing cold weather outside. He props the door open with a piece of wood that was the ground. Ste slowly walks over and takes a seat on the stairs below him.

_"So you weren't at the ceremony?"_

_"No why would I be?"_

_"I don't know. Just thought you would."_

_"Why? To watch the man I love marry someone who isn't me. Think I'll pass."_

_"Don't try to put this all on me. I gave you a chance and you backed out."_

_"Yeah I did. But I did it because I thought that's what you wanted. I thought you were happy with him. I wasn't gonna a ruin a relationship for something that we didn't even know would work."_

_"Why are you ere?"_

"_Cause I love ye. Cause I can't live my life without ye. I love ye Steven."_

_"I love you too."_

* * *

**Ugh I don't even want to put my name on this chapter, I didn't even edit it lol. Two chapters left so it's gonna feel very rushed. Already have the next chapter written so I'm gonna try finishing this fic up by the weekend.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: This chapter is so rushed and has so many dates I'm really sorry but I'm trying to finish this off. One last chapter after this.**

* * *

["If you want to find the trail, if you want to find yourself, you must explore your dreams alone. You must grow at a slow pace in a dark cocoon of loneliness so you can fly like wind, like wings, when you awaken."― Francesca Lia Block, Dangerous Angels]

* * *

**November 28, 2033**

"Ste you in here?" Cheryl hadnt been able to get over what Ste told her on the pier at Brendan's funeral. She tossed and turned through the night replaying the words he spoke to her. Of course he was right. She deserved all of it, in fact she think he was too easy on her. She decided to go and try to make amends again. Sure it would take time but if it took years she would still do it. Cheryl already had decided to move back to Hollyoaks if that's what it took. But they both needed each other especially now. She knocked on the door but no one answered. She was going to leave but when she tried to handle it opened right up. Hesitantly she walked inside and it was deathly quiet. She didn't feel right. Something was wrong. Cheryl looked around the kitchen and living room but saw nothing. Then her eyes saw something on the table. It was so unusual that it caught her eye. The table was spotless while everything around the table was a mess. On top of this table was a piece of paper with a chain over it. She didn't have to get close to it to know it was Brendan's cross necklace. She moved over and picked it up and held it then she grabbed the paper and read it.

"I can't take it, it's come to me. That this life wasn't meant to be. As I take this choice and let myself go. I think to myself, how you'd say no. How you'd hold me close and tell me you care. It's just too bad you couldn't be there. It's not your fault. I remember the times we shared. I remember I always cared. I can't do this anymore. I tried to forget the past, but the past kept rearing its ugly truths into my mind. Every day and every night. I stayed in this place for you. Praying that one day I would see you again. That we would get our day. And now you're gone, forever. I know you're waiting for me. I know. I can see you up there with that beautiful smile. With those amazing blue eyes. Patiently waiting. I can't live in a world that you're not in. So I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to let you go. But I rather be dead then live my life without the only person that made me feel alive. In the next life remember? I'll see you there Brendan. I love you. Forever."

Cheryl wipes her eyes as she rushes into Stes bedroom but it's too late. She can't help him. She can't save him. She drops to her knees but she doesn't cry anymore. She knows why he did this. And she imagines right before Ste left this earth he had a smile on his face as he knew he was going to have his happy ever after with the love of his life. His one true love.

* * *

**December 21, 2096**

Ste leans over and presses his lips onto Brendan's. At that moment there is nothing else around them. It's as if they are the only 2 people alive. They hear no noises, they see no sights, they become one. Brendan stops the kiss and stands up. He starts walking away and Ste doesn't even hesitate to run after him. He shouts for him to stop but Brendan picks up his speed. Ste thinks that Brendan doesn't even know where he is running to, but no matter where he goes Ste will go. He would follow him to the end of the world. Hell he would probably follow him off a cliff if he has to. Brendan keeps running not ever looking back and turns into an alleyway. He's out of stamina so he reluctantly stops. Ste ends up slamming right into him as he couldn't stop in time. Brendan catches him and then he himself drops to the ground.

"Why did you run?"

"I had to. I'm not gonna ruin a marriage Steven, even if I wanted to. It's not right. It's not fair to you, me, and especially your husband."

Ste had forgotten all about him and he thinks to himself that's saying something. On the day of you're wedding you're supposed to be the happiest person. You're supposed to be over the moon with excitement. You're supposed to be standing next to your partner. Instead Ste is in an alley with Brendan. He isn't happy. Not even one bit.

"I made a mistake."

"With what?" Brendan doesn't look up at him as he can only imagine Ste saying he made a mistake by kissing him.

"Choosing him over you." The words that he should have said months ago. "I should have said no when he asked. I should have admitted what we had done. But most importantly I should be with you. You gave me everything Brendan. You helped me realize how happiness feels. You made me understand what love is. True love." Ste crouches down so he is eye level with Brendan. "When I met you I had a strange feeling come over me. It's as if I knew you or I had met you before. Something inside me kept telling me that you would be someone I wouldn't forget. I kept getting these visions and they were all about you, as if someone else was telling me it was you. You changed my life forever Brendan. I love you. Unconditionally." Ste stands up and extends his hand towards Brendan. "Please. Come with me?"

* * *

**September 15, 2096**

Ste stomps all the way to his destination. He runs up the stairs two at a time. When he gets to the door he pounds on it over and over again.

"Open up!" Ste is now full on shouting. He can't contain himself. The door open and he pushes past the man not even waiting for him to talk. "When were you going to tell me you were my investor huh? What are you playing at?"

"You found out?"

"Yeah Brendan I did. So what have you been stalking me way before we met. What are you some sort of psycho!"

"Just shut up and listen. I wasn't stalking you or anything. I honestly just invested in a bar that I thought would profit me. I didn't know you were even the owner. Even after they gave me your name I still didn't care. I just wanted to make a profit out of it. I passed by there once and I saw you and I don't know I felt something. Then when we met that first time in the card shop I didn't know what was happening to me. I went into that store to look for something completely opposite of a valentine's day card but something kept pushing me in that direction. Some sort of force was dragging me. I don't know how to explain it."

"Like it was meant to be." Ste quietly says and sees Brendan nod. "I felt it too. Almost like faith. Did you feel like someone was pushing you in that direction?"

"Yeah. I thought someone was dragging me to whenever you were. As if it was there job to make sure I met you."

Ste understands what he is describing. Every time since they first met he had felt someone around him. A force almost. He once described it as an angel. But there was definitely someone guiding him to Brendan. He remembered a time last year, about a week after the time he bumped into Brendan at the swatch shop, he was running late to work so he was going to take a short cut but he felt a hand grab his wrist and pull him away. He didn't know what was happening as he kept trying to pull away but it was hopeless. He gave up and had to go the long way around. As he turned the corner he slammed right into Brendan again. They both apologized and ended up talking for a couple minutes before Ste blurted out if he wanted to get a coffee with him. Brendan agreed and they spent the next hour together just getting to know each other. After that it was as if they kept bumping into each other. It was happening once a week and then twice a week. It finally turned into seeing one another every day. They got really close immediately. Ste was unfortunately in a relationship with Wes but he still liked Brendan as a friend. They started talking on the phone everyday then would meet up afterwards. It was nice and Ste looked forward to seeing his smile. It made his heart jump. One month into Ste and Wes relationship and it was going well but Ste could tell Wes wanted to move things quickly. So whenever he knew he might pop the question Ste made an excuse and got out of there before he had the chance.

In November of 2095 Ste felt lost and he didn't know why. He woke up with a voice inside of his head. He got up and went to Brendan's house. He let him in and Ste settled into the couch. He must have fallen asleep as when he woke up he was laying on a bed that wasn't his. He jumped up and Brendan walked in. Apparently Ste had fallen off the couch and Brendan brought him into one of his spare rooms. Ste laughed at his stupidity and thanked Brendan. Before he knew what he was doing he had his arms around Brendan's neck and was kissing him. Brendan was holding onto his waist. It was passionate and intense. No one was letting go. It continued for what felt like hours until Ste broke it off and said sorry he couldn't do this. This kept happening on a frequent basis. And it would always be Ste running out.

A month later in December Wes proposed and Ste said yes. He knew he was only doing it because he felt lonely and thought that this is what he wanted. He would force himself to want this man as his husband. It was only fair as Ste had cheated on him repeatedly and Wes kept taking him back. He never understood that. Why a man would keep saying its ok after everything he did. Ste supposed that was why he said yes. He felt guilty.

Finally in February Ste said those 3 words that changed everything. It all came out in an argument. Brendan was shouting at him saying he couldn't keep doing this and why does he keep coming back. Ste then just blurted out "Because I love you!" Silence filled the room after that. Brendan looked at him and said "If you did you wouldn't have said yes to him. I think you should go." So he did.

Ste did leave him alone for a couple of months. But like previous times someone was pushing him in his direction. He would have to physically use everything in him to avoid crashing into Brendan. He saw him every day passing by. Just barely avoiding each other. Ste thought Brendan was also in the same predicament as one day he saw him randomly drag his arm back with a force as if he was dislodging his hand from another. But no one was even around him.

May came around and Ste couldn't handle it anymore. He had to see him. He let this force move him towards him as he had gotten accustomed to it. Brendan was standing outside a building. A building he bought and was about to renovate. As Ste approached him Brendan looked over at him. They both smiled at each other and looked ahead. The building was nothing really. All that was up was the glass walls. When they both looked up they saw something that till this day they can't explain. Reflected off this glass next to Ste was an image of himself. His double was holding onto his arm. Behind Brendan was an image of himself as well. His double had his hands on his shoulders as if he was pushing him. The figures both seemed happy. Free. They looked at each other and they disappeared just like that. After that both Brendan and Ste started talking again. Things were going well for them as they tried to maintain a friendship. No arguments and no fights happened between them until today.

Today he found out the investor for his bar. The silent partner. All along it was Brendan. He had always been there from the start. But deep inside Ste wasn't mad at him. In fact he owed him something.

"I'm sorry about everything Brendan. I never wanted to hurt you. If I could go back you know I would."

"I know." Brendan looked at him. His eyes clouded over. He looked tired and defeated. Ste places his hand on his shoulders and brought his forehead to touch Brendan's.

"Look Brendan. Ask me to stay. Just ask me. Please." It was his choice now but he already knew the answer.

"I can't do that."

* * *

**December 21, 2096**

Brendan reaches up and connects it with Stes. They both interlock their fingers together. Ste lifts him up and smiles.

"It's always been you Brendan."

"I know."

Brendan places his hands on Stes cheek and he leans in for a kiss. This time it's slower. There's no rush as they both know exactly what this means. It means forever.

"So how are you gonna tell your husband you're leaving him on the same day you married him."

"Well technically were not married as I hadn't gotten our marriage license yet. It was just a ceremony. And even if it counted I guess I could have it annulled. He doesn't even have to do anything."

"So what you're just gonna leave him at the altar. Oh wait no no sorry you're gonna leave him at the reception."

"Why not? I don't care. Do you?"

"Nope. But you do realize you're gonna have to see him eventually as we live here right."

"We use to live here."

Brendan stares at him as he suddenly gets confused in this conversation. "What?"

"I always fancied living in Dublin. What do you say?"

"Let me get this clear. You wanna leave your husband the day of your wedding. You wanna completely disregard your business. Leave behind all your family and friends and move to Dublin. With me. To be with me."

"Yeah." Simple as that.

"We better hurry up then." Brendan grabs a hold of him and rushes to his car. They get inside and Brendan speeds out of there. They go to Stes first and he packs the bare necessities. 2 suitcases full. He leaves a note simply saying "Im sorry." He runs out of the flat and loads it into Brendan's car. They drive over to Brendan's and he goes to get his stuff. While he does this Ste books 2 one way flight tickets to Dublin. A few minutes later Brendan walks back out with his own suitcases.

"You sure about this?"

Ste looks at him and for the first time he knows what he is doing is the right thing. His life would never be complete without this man.

"Never been any surer in me lifetime."


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: And that's a wrap! This fic is now officially complete. Thank you to everyone who took time to review, fav, follow. I hope you enjoyed it and now let's see about this happy ending shall we.**

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["We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it." ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook]

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**October 10, 2097**

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Ste looks at Brendan with his shining blue eyes. Never have they been any brighter than they are on this day. The day he marries his one and only love. They struggled at first when they up and left Hollyoaks without telling anyone. In the middle of the night they were gone. Countless text and missed calls. Voicemails were listened to and deleted. They ignored everyone. They didn't need anyone as long as they had each other. Both of them knew this was it for them. Till the end. They made a new life here. Brendan weirdly enough bought a club. Ste laughed at him about it telling him he has no idea how to even run a bar. Brendan ignored him and said he had a gut instinct about this. And he was right. Every night that place was full. Ste on the other hand ended up buying a small business right across the street from the club. At first it was a tiny restaurant but he didn't like it. He stood outside it and kept thinking to himself what he could do with it. At that second the picture of the deli came into his mind. Needless to say Ste was now the proud owner of a deli. He would step out of it when it wasn't as busy and would see Brendan up on the balcony of the club. He named it after his sister Cheryl. When he looked up he smiled as he thought this club reminded him of that vision he had a long time ago.

Months went by and their relationship grew to a point where they felt they were one person. Brendan was drunk one day and asked Ste very subtly to marry him. He said yes. The next day, thinking Brendan wouldn't even remember the previous night, decided not to bring it up. Ste made breakfast and saw Brendan stumble out of their bedroom. He smiled and told him to hurry up and finish as he wanted Ste to come with him to pick out his wedding band. That day consisted of Ste crying everywhere and Brendan saying he didn't know who this man was. He slept on the couch that day. But now here they are. No ceremony. No big decorations. Just Brendan, Ste, Cheryl, Amy, Leah, Lucas, Declan, and Padraig. Their small family together in a court office. All bunched together as they get married.

"With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never be empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine. I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you. They wouldn't understand, and I don't feel the need to explain, simply because I know in my heart how real it is. When I think of you, I can't help smiling, knowing that you've completed me somehow. I love you, not just for now, but for always."

Cheryl gives them a goofy smile as the kids all give a thumbs up. They place the rings onto each other's fingers and can't help but smile. Brendan says I do quietly, like always. And Ste practically makes everyone deaf when he shouts out I do.

"Brendan Brady and Steven Hay I now pronounce you partners for eternity. You may kiss."

Brendan gently takes hold of Steven and kisses him. Both of them completely in love. Finally finding happiness. They shuffle out of the room and go have dinner. The whole family sits around a large table. Jokes get made and laughter fills the room. Ste watches them all having a good time. He sees Brendan get up front the table and go outside for a second. He motions for him to follow.

"What's up? You ok?"

"Better than ok. Just wanted some time alone with you."

"Not here Brendan."

"I didn't mean that!" Brendan nudges him and has to grab him as apparently he pushed him to hard almost causing him to fall over. He moves behind him and wraps his arms around Stes waist and places his head on his shoulder. They just stand there and sway back and forth. They don't speak. They stare back inside and see their family all getting along. The smiles are priceless.

"I love you Brendan. Forever."

"I love you too Steven. I always will."

Something releases them at that moment. They feel something let go of them. A cold breeze moves past them. They stare at a mirror that is hanging on the wall. Walking away from them, hand in hand, is them. Spirits of them. They start fading away and then they disappear into the night.

Brendan stares at the empty spot where they just witnessed that and looks at Ste. Brendan kisses him again and quietly whispers to him.

"I wonder what they wanted."


End file.
